WEEK ONE TRANSCRIPTION
WEEK 1: BE SPECIFIC
Ask your heart what it needs, then listen for the answer.
Jo Ann: Hello, Cel, it’s good to see you again.
Cel: Hi, yes. It’s good to see you too.
Jo Ann: I’m so happy to be with you today.
Cel: Yes, I’m excited. What are we going to do today?
Jo Ann: Alright. Well, What we’re gonna do today is go over the first week of getting clear about what it is you want in a relationship.
Jo Ann: I have a series of questions to ask you and then we’ll decide right into how to get clear about what it is you want in a relationship. Alright, I’m gonna ask you this question: why do you want to be in a relationship with a loving partner?
Cel: Well basically I would like to share my life with someone who knows me really well and to share the love that I have in my life. I think that would make my life fuller and happier?
Jo Ann: Okay. All right. Thank you for answering that. How much joy would being in a loving relationship, how much joy would come into your life by being in a loving relationship?
Cel: Okay. Well, I think being in a loving relationship would just magnify the happiness in my life and it would help me see things from a different perspective. I mean, I have a new set of eyes and it would just make everything more colorful, more exciting, that I think is what would gonna happen.
Jo Ann: Okay, so who in your life would celebrate you and would be happy if you found that perfect partner and now you’re together.
Jo Ann: Who would celebrate you for that?
Cel: My mom of course I think. My mom.
Jo Ann: Oooh
Cel: Yes, I think she’d be doing a happy dance and say hallelujah, finally. Yes, my mom and my close friends. I think they’d be the happiest. I think they would even be happier for me than I would be for myself. I think that’s how they are.
Jo Ann: Ooh, you must have wonderful friends.
Cel: Yes, yes.
Jo Ann: Wow, that’s such a blessing.
Cel: Yes, they are.
Jo Ann: And this is important that you have developed beautiful, warm, loving relationships and that people in your life would be happy for you, not jealous of you. Happy for you. It increases their happiness by knowing that you are happier.
Jo Ann: So it’s all about magnification. It would magnify happiness.
Cel: Yes, yes
Jo Ann: All right. And, in what ways would your life change in being in this ideal relationship? What specifically would change in your life?
Cel: Well, I think the way I make decisions coz I’m used to making my own decisions. Of course, I would talk about it to my mom and my very close friends, they would give me inputs, but it’s always me who has the last say, the final word. If I have this person in my life, of course, he would have a big influence on how I do things, on what I decide to do. So that’s really going to change. I would really have to adjust to that. And another thing is I like to make spontaneous decisions, about small things, like if I want to go someplace or I want to do something. If I have another person in my life, I would have to slow down on that, coz I would have to tell him.. Oh, this is what I want to do, he has to know of course. And..so basically those things that I’m used to doing alone and doing by myself, I have to share it with this person.
Jo Ann: Okay. Okay. What would sharing something with someone so close to you be like for you? What would that feeling be if you could share that with a close person?
Cel: With a close person. I think it’s going to be an adventure. We won’t agree on things. I mean I expect that. .But really I think it would be fun and exciting. It would bring something new to the way I see things. It would be a welcome change for me.
Jo Ann: Oh. Okay. Awesome. I have one last question for you. So how would you imagine the people in your life would celebrate that find that you have, how would they celebrate it?
Cel: Okay. So if I would bring them to meet this person…of course at first they have to…hmmm so this is the guy ha. Of course, they wouldn’t say it out loud, but that would be something in their head. They would observe him and they would ask me where is he from, what’s his family like? So those things. But if they see that the guy is really great and they are genuinely happy for me, and would also want to spend time with him.
Jo Ann: Okay. Okay. That’s it, that’s an important part of the whole thing. And I want to say this because we’re going to go into very specifics about what you want in a relationship, is that for 19 years I was single after my first marriage ended in divorce. My first marriage was a disaster. But my second marriage I did meet my soulmate. And so much changed with my friends and my family and my whole experience widened out by having him in my life and sharing things with him. It became far more easy for me to brainstorm with him about something and that helped me on it, you know, become feel like I was on a team, like we are truly a team, my husband and I. And so then, when I was with other people, like my sister and her husband, and my brother and his wife, and his sister and her husband and his brother and his wife, there are parallel things going here, they just all feel like I gained more of a family. I gained another sister and I gained another brother and people I can trust and people I love and who love me back, and our family events have become larger and more and more fun.
Jo Ann: So that’s just my personal experience.
Cel: I would love to have that in my life too.
Jo Ann: Okay, okay. And I want that for you as well. So I want to go over a couple of important aspects today that are very much part of this magnetic system that you will be doing as you go through the ecourse. And the magnetism is something that builds and it’s like a magnet, it attracts things to you so that your course of action can be easier because if you’re in the flow of life and you’re magnetizing experiences to you, it doesn’t feel like a struggle. Your life will feel more like that you’re in the flow of life and things just flow naturally and easily.
So what I want for you is to gain the tools and the tips that I have put in the course so you can magnetise love to you without it being a struggle, without you having to suffer, suffer going on dates that end up being a drag, or suffer thinking that you’re being rejected by others. To get through those factors, it’s important that you be very crystal clear about what you want and you ought to need to be crystal clear about what you don’t want. So if you had a former relationship and you shared a little bit with me about being with a person who ended up being not available emotionally for you or physically for you. So that’s it, this is what you do not want. I’m guessing you do not want someone who is unavailable. You want somebody who is available. So part of clarifying and getting crystal clear about your vision about what you want is to know what you don’t want. And then to turn what you don’t want into what you do want. So I’m gonna do a rapid kind of exercise with you and I’m gonna write down all the things you don’t want if can tell me what you don’t want in a relationship that you may have run into whether it was somebody you dated, or it could have been a friend or it could have been a relative but some factors that you do not want in a long-term relationship. Can you tell me what they are?
Cel: Well, I don’t want someone who feels like he is a victim of life, like when something bad happens he can’t do anything about it coz he’s this small person who is not capable of anything. I don’t want someone who has serious addictions. Oh, yeah.
Jo Ann: Okay.
Cel: I don’t want someone who cheats, lies, someone who is deceitful. Okay. I don’t want someone who neglects his family, who takes them for granted. What else. I don’t want someone who is domineering, who wants to tell me what to do. I don’t want someone who is needy, emotionally needy like he wants me with him at all times. And someone who is lazy could be physically lazy, intellectually lazy, I don’t want that kind of person. And I don’t want someone who doesn’t like music because I like music. Aah, what else.
Jo Ann: Any particular type of music?
Cel: Well, I like Broadway music and pop, a bit of classical music. I also don’t want someone who takes himself too seriously. What else.
Jo Ann: Okay.
Cel: Okay. I don’t want someone who doesn’t communicate, who expects me to guess what he is thinking. That’s kind of difficult. And also I don’t like someone who doesn’t like children, because I like working with children. Someone who holds a grudge over past mistakes or past hurts. I don’t want someone who is jobless of course.
Jo Ann: Did you say jobless?
Jo Ann: Without a job.
Cel: Without a job, yes, or who has no ambition to better his situation, to better his life. What else. Of course, I don’t want someone who is unavailable. Someone who has emotional issues, serious emotional issues. What else. That’s all I can think of right now.
Jo Ann: Okay, more and more will occur to you as you move on this process, but you did an amazing job of rolling off what you don’t want.
Cel: Thank you.
Jo Ann: And, as Oprah Winfrey says what you focus on expands. So and I wanted you to go through the list of what you don’t want because we want to expand on what you do want. And we want to change those don’t want into a positive statement that turns the situation totally around and helps you to really get clear about what you do want. So, let’s get clear that once you are in alignment, meaning once your body, your mind, and your spirit are together on what it is you actually do want, and every part of you agrees that if this individual came into your life you would celebrate this opportunity, it would be a joy. And your friends would celebrate this opportunity that you’ve met a really, really nice guy, someone who you really enjoy being with and will bless your life.
Jo Ann: And I think you would say you don’t want anybody who doesn’t believe in God, right?
Cel: Oh, yes, that of course, yes.
Jo Ann: Okay, coz that I was thinking was your number one.
Cel: Yes, yes.
Jo Ann: Okay. So let’s start with that one because even though when you thought off the top of your head that didn’t come up as your number one, it did come up as your number one wish when you and I spoke during the consultation. So, let’s take a look at that. So how can you turn around I don’t want anyone who doesn’t believe in God? How can you make that into a positive statement?
Cel: Well, I would like someone who loves God as much as I do.
Jo Ann: Okay. Okay. So how would you turn around he’s a victim and he feels hopeless.
Cel: Well, I want someone who takes responsibility for his life.
Jo Ann: Okay. Alright. How about that addictions, let’s talk about you don’t want somebody who has addictions, how do you turn that around?
Cel: Well, I would like someone who is in good health, he is psychologically healthy, stable, emotionally stable.
Jo Ann: Okay. That’s good. Okay, cheats, he cheats. How can you turn that one around?
Cel: He is honest, he’s morally upright, he has integrity.
Jo Ann: Okay, how about lies, would integrity cover the lies?
Cel: I think it would.
Jo Ann: Okay. So we’ll get that one. Deceitful. Would integrity cover deceitful?
Cel: Integrity means you’re honest, right?
Jo Ann: Honest and has good integrity. Okay, so that would cover those.
You don’t want somebody who neglects his family. What do you want?
Cel: Well, I would like someone who respects and loves his family. I think that’s better.
Jo Ann: Okay, okay. That’s great. Okay. Needy?
Cel: I want someone who is mature and emotionally stable.
Jo Ann: Okay. That’s great. Lazy.
Cel: Lazy. I want someone who works hard on improving himself.
Jo Ann: Works hard on…
Cel: Improving. Improving himself.
Jo Ann: ..on improving himself.
Cel: Improving, yes.
Jo Ann: Because no one is perfect. I mean sometimes I might think I’m perfect. I’m clearly not perfect. So I’ve made mistakes. I’ve been insensitive. I’ve been hurtful to my husband at times. Yet if I take responsibility and I try to take responsibility when I do bad, and ask for his forgiveness and then say I will try better next time, I promise you. It may be a trigger for me that when this goes on I get triggered and I get upset but I will work harder on improving that. Can you work along with me? And we had an experience where we had to kind of negotiate that more than one. I’ve been married now for it will be 16 years in October. . . So obviously over the years this improving yourself does come with vulnerability and owning your own behaviour and your willingness to change whatever it is that hurt the other person. So it’s a give and take.
Jobless, how can you turn that around.
Cel: Yeah. Well, someone who is gainfully employed, who is making efforts. If he is a businessman he’s making efforts to grow his business.
Jo Ann: Okay. Too serious.
Cel: Too serious. Someone who has a great sense of humor, who can make me laugh.
Jo Ann: That is the one saving grace of my relationship. My husband is one of the funniest people I’ve ever met. And even if I’m like up tired and worried and you know, just wringing my hands and he will just come up with some brilliant funny thing. Crack me up, you know, so I’m not so serious. It’s a great, great, great thing.
He doesn’t like music.
Cel: He must love music. Or its even better if he’s musically inclined like he plays a musical instrument or he sings.
Jo Ann: Oh, that’s great.
Jo Ann: That’s really upping me into there. That’s awesome. Okay. He doesn’t tell you what’s on his mind, he expects you to know things.
Cel: Yeah. I would like someone who would communicate well, would say what’s on his mind, what he is thinking.
Jo Ann: All right. So, holds a grudge.
Cel: Ah, All right. I would like someone who can forgive injuries, could move on from hurtful acts, or who could forgive someone who has hurt him.
Jo Ann: Okay. Doesn’t want to better his life.
Cel: Someone who constantly wants to improve himself.
Jo Ann: Okay. So he is definitely open to learning and growing.
Cel: Learning. Yes, yes, open to learning.
Jo Ann: And growing.
Cel: And growing, yes.
Jo Ann: You know in the improvement there. Okay. Unavailable.
Cel: Someone who is available.
Jo Ann: All right, I want to just talk about this point for a minute. Let me clarify this. You want somebody who is available and wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you.
Cel: Yes, yes, exactly.
Jo Ann: So available. So you don’t want anybody who cheats coz you said cheat.
Cel: Yes, yes.
Jo Ann: Available and wants to be in a monogamous relationship with you. It’s important to say to you. Coz if you just said wants to be in a monogamous relationship, it could be with somebody else.
Cel: I should be writing this down. That’s right.
Jo Ann: So the more specific you can be, like bring it back to you, the more clear, the less fuzzy.
Cel: Yes, I should be writing this down.
Jo Ann: Okay, serious emotional issues.
Cel: Well at least he should have already been able to deal with his emotional issues.
Jo Ann: So, you want somebody who’s pretty much cleaned up his former issues.
Cel: Yes, someone who has cleaned up his former issues, yes, that’s right.
Jo Ann: Okay, now we know that no one is perfect.
Cel: Yes, yes of course.
Jo Ann: So are there any particular issues that would come to mind such as like what?
Cel: Well, if he had issues with being dominating, he should have been able to deal with that, or if he had an addiction before, he should have been able to move on from that.
Jo Ann: Healed from addictions.
Cel: Healed from addictions, yes.
Jo Ann: Okay, so maybe we can just be a little bit more specific about addictions. Do you want somebody who is alcohol-free, or alcohol, ahh, social drinker?
Cel: Social drinker is fine as long as it’s not bordering or he is not addicted to it.
Jo Ann: Okay, so somebody who is a social drinker is okay. What about drugs?
Cel: No, I don’t want someone who has any form of serious addiction. So, how do I term that?
Jo Ann: So, drug-free?
Cel: Drug-free, he is not addicted to porn.
Jo Ann: Okay.
Cel: He’s not addicted to video games.
Jo Ann: Okay, free of addictions such as porn, video games, anything else?
Cel: Gambling, drugs, what else, women.
Jo Ann: Okay. Okay. But he could be a social drinker, that would be okay with you?
Cel: Social drinking, doesn’t get drunk at parties, just a few sips that’s okay, I think, as long as he doesn’t get drunk.
Jo Ann: Okay, okay. So he knows his limits.
Cel: Yes, that’s right.
Jo Ann: Knows and respects his own limits.
Wow, you’ve got a pretty good list of 30 things going here. This is my recommendation, I’ve taken some notes and I will email those to you.
Cel: Oh great. Thank you.
Jo Ann: .. so that you can start your list of 30 things that you want in a relationship. It’s best to be as clear as possible and to write it out and then to put it in a document and put that document on your computer. Reason is because as you begin to date and you meet people that list can start to adjust itself. I mean, you may discover that there was something you forgot on your list of 30 things. Eventually, it’s best for you to identify five things that are deal breakers.
Cel: All right.
Jo Ann: Okay, five things that are deal breakers. For example, if he didn’t believe in God, I’m guessing that that’s a deal breaker.
Jo Ann: I’m also guessing that if he doesn’t like children, that’s a deal breaker. Must love children.. things I forgot to put down. Okay, so it’s important to pick up five things that are deal breakers that if you go on a date and you find out that he doesn’t believe in God, or he really isn’t crazy about children or I’m just making this up as if those were your top. And let’s say he is not honest or doesn’t have good integrity, okay so, let’s just say those are your top three, then you won’t date that person anymore because they didn’t meet those top five priorities. The clearer you get about what you want and what you don’t want, but you put it in a positive framework that this is what I want, this is my list, I’m gonna suggest that you clarify your list, write it on a document, put it on your computer so that you can change the order of things, but keep going and do 30 things that you would like in a relationship and then identify the top five that you can’t live without. So what was this like for you to go thru this exercise?
Cel: Well, it’s really something that gave me clarity as to what I want in a relationship, things that I was too lazy to look at, the start of the course to look at, coz I sort of have a general idea of what I like but not as clear as this. So I think listing the 30 things that I would like in a relationship and those that I don’t want would give me better clarity. And as you said the clearer the better.
Jo Ann: All right.
Jo Ann: Okay. Did you have any questions for me before we end?
Cel: Alright. So it’s alright if there are things that I’ve listed that I will change or remove and change, that will not affect the processing anyway.
Jo Ann: It is your list, it is your clarity point, it’s the way that you are aligning up with the person who you will be meeting because that person wants to meet you.
Jo Ann: Your ideal partner is really longing to meet up with you and has wanted to meet up with you. So for you to line up, so that it’s clear that that’s your target, that’s what you want. And now, what I’m gonna say about the other that you are going to identify top five things but you probably will not get all 30 things on your list. Okay. And I didn’t get all 30 things on my list. This is a thing that I did, but I do want to say that when I made my list and I wrote this in the course, but I’m gonna verbalize it. I put he needs to be as passionate about dancing as I am. Okay, now that’s very specific to what I wanted. That’s my passion, is to be dancing. So, at times I would question myself and say you know that’s pretty superficial, you know. I mean, is that really one of your top five. And I’d have this back and forth conversation with myself and myself said I want that. I want somebody who is as passionate about dancing as I am, I do not want him standing on the sidelines, I want my partner to be with me on the dance floor. So I did keep that as number one on my list. I met my husband on the dance floor.
Cel: W ow.
Jo Ann: So what you really clearly say and how you make this vision clear, it draws that person to you. Okay, I’m gonna tell you that this exercise is so powerful that you can use this exercise to find the ideal house that you want to live in. For your business, you can use these same principles. I want to read back over Chapter 1 again, you can actually adjust this to becoming more of a specific thing that you’ve wanted to manifest in your life. I did this course with a group of ladies, half of whom were married and half of whom were single and I modified, you know, I modified with what I’m doing with you because we are looking for a partner for you. Some of them already have their partners but I modified it with them. And amazing things came true in their life. And I found a beautiful home that I listed 30 things in the top five and it came right down to the way exactly what I wanted. So this is not only to bring in a relationship, this is to get crystal about your vision and we’re starting with a relationship.
Cel: Yes. Just one thing, it’s good you that mentioned that you wanted someone who could dance. And it’s on your top five. Coz I was thinking the same thing, would I put someone who is musically inclined in my top five? It’s not really something serious, but it’s something that I truly enjoy and it would be great if that person also enjoys music. And I think I’m going to include it in my top five.
Jo Ann: Okay, okay. Alright, so you can have fun with this. This is a beautiful exercise that you can enjoy, you can keep changing, you can say ahh would I put that up as my deal breaker. I mean if your man doesn’t especially love to dance, is that a deal breaker for you?
Cel: No, not for me. Because I really do not like to dance.
Jo Ann: Okay, that’s a deal breaker for me, so that’s why I put it as my top five. And what was also a deal breaker for me is he had to come from a loving family and have good relationships with his family. That was a deal breaker for me because I was correcting what happened in the last relationship. It was very evident that I wanted my family to expand, I wanted to be in loving relationships beyond my own world and I wanted to bring that into my life. So it’s really good that you have started this process and I encourage you to continue it and once you get past this, we will go on to week 2.
Cel: All right, looking forward to that.
Jo Ann: Did you have anything you wanted to share before we end?
Cel: Well, its good you said awhile ago about including in my top five someone who loves music, so I was thinking awhile ago do I include it or not, but then you told me about your experience, so I think I’ll put it there in my list.
Jo Ann: Okay, okay. Yes, so it’s your heart’s passion-music.
Cel: Yes, yes.
Jo Ann: You’re passionate about music.
Cel: Yes, yes, I enjoy it so much.
Jo Ann: Alright. Okay. It sounds great. It was great to talk to you.
Cel: Yes, great talking to you too. So I’ll see you next time?
Jo Ann: Okay, we’ll do.
Cel: Alright. Bye-bye.