Recently, I was sitting in a booth at a singles expo and a beautiful mature woman comes up to me and said: “there are no good men out there.”  I would have been shocked by that comment if that was the first time that I heard it. Sadly, I’ve heard those exact same words uttered by the least likely women anyone could imagine!  What’s so shocking is who these women are!  They are classy, beautiful, and highly successful in their careers.  Not what you would imagine. So what would make them feel so pessimistic about having a new relationship with a man? The answer is that most of them have been badly hurt in a previous relationship.

By adopting negative beliefs about men, they are making a feeble attempt to protect themselves from being hurt again. We all know that most men are good people. We also know that it’s difficult to recover from a broken heart. So what’s is the answer to healing a broken heart? Wanting a better life and taking on the challenges that represent. Let’s take a look at how negative beliefs can cripple us and how positive beliefs help us to heal the past and live a better life.

Beliefs are powerful! In the words of Oprah Winfrey “what you focus on expands.” With a negative belief, such as life is a struggle, the more you repeat the phrase life is a struggle focus the more struggle will appear in your life. The opposite effect is possible if you focus on a positive belief such as   I am so lucky. As you focus on Am I truly lucky, more evidence shows up to prove to you that your life is truly lucky!  Our brains are like missiles, always seeing a target. We seek that evidence to prove that what we believe is right. It’s possible to change beliefs that keep us in an emotional prison. Here’s an example.

Let’s take a look at Patricia’s experience. After a 29 year marriage, Patricia’s husband passed away. Their relationship was loving and together they lived a rich life. She became an unexpected window which resulted in two years of grief and recovery before she felt like herself again. Patricia believed that her husband was a kind and generous man, and that other man had the same good qualities.  She began to date again, and soon she met a special person who she ended up marrying.  She is enjoying a successful second marriage, and today she travels extensively with her husband.

Patricia adopted positive beliefs about men. These beliefs helped her manage her feelings of loss and helped move her through her fear of starting over. By choosing to believe that there are quality men out there, she pre-paved a road to success. Stepping out in the world in a powerful way; calls for action. The task at hand is to delete those negative beliefs that keep you feeling stuck and unhappy.

How do you start changing those negative beliefs?  Start by catching yourself saying something out loud that you don’t want to be true and stop saying it! Then begin shooting holes into that faulty belief. For example, there may be a few good men out there, my brother is a good guy.  My best friend’s son is a great kid! If you catch your self-thinking a negative belief in your head, just say: I am lying to myself again! There must be some good men out there. I am going to make it a point to notice the good things that men doing and I must stop focusing on the bad. This process takes repetition. Remember to stop focusing on lack and focus instead on what is good in your life.


Planting positive beliefs is like growing a beautiful garden when the weeds come up (negative beliefs) you need to pull them out, root and all, to save room for the beautiful flowers to grow and blossom. This way you will be planting new seeds (positive beliefs) for more love to grow in your life.

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